my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
