Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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