You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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