You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
