I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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