he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's blow job season.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize