Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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