please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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