Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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