I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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