we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
