I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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