We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i believe in u and ur pee
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
