i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
