end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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