I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
