I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
