Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
