This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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