got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
