the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize