I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
