Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
