A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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