I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
