He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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