she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
