I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
