it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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