Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
