he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
