i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
