Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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