Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your cock deserves a montage
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My life is pants optional.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize