Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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