Betty ford says i'm here all night
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
