your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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