It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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