it was like his penis was on wheels.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
