Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
