I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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