I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
