Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We left an ass print on the piano.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
