At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
