***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
