I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
