So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
