One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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