have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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