dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
