I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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