i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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