Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
