We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize