Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
