I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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