I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
