I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
