There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
