The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is Oprah even human
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
