Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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