I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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