The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
