I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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