I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
