Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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