Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
