I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
