dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
