i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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