We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have tasted many bathrooms
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your penis caused this!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
