she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
