So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
