Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
