remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
