the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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