Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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