i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
