How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
