my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
