pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
